Warren Jeffs Daughter, Rachel Jeffs



Hello, my friends! It’s been a bit….

The question “What do you think about Rachel Jeffs book and interviews.

“What do I think,” I ask myself.

Honestly, it’s not so easy. It triggers me, reminding me of pain but, also happy times.

When I see interviews with Rachel Jeffs I see someone who has created something beautiful out of a lot of ugliness.

Without any emotion or without watching. I will give you my honest thoughts.

I have come through and processed in my way, as I want to give everyone that same respect and understanding.

Rachel’s story is nothing about me. It is everything about her. Healing is an individual process, none greater or lesser, just different.

It is absolutely unimaginable to wrap my mind around my former Husband’s third wife’s terrible injustices.

What I can say is, I am happy to see Rachel move on, find peace, happiness and a good life for her children. Everyone deserves happiness. I’m grateful to see people search and find that.


Power of Voice


Power of Voice

Living in a small world of mostly adults and men, for the first 16 years of my life, sassy, stubborn, determined and fearlessly I, fought. I was finally feeling heard. This only lasted a few 4-5 short years despite the fight. Motherhood became a source to control me. When I came to realize I was in so deep it was silence, or lose everything. Realizing I couldn’t have both was hard to accept and one of the darkest times of my early motherhood and young marriage. I chose motherhood. My children have been my driving force, as well as, my greatest fear and cause of my deepest pain.

Over 10 years it only got worse, I was continually made to feel I was not good enough and even when I felt I had given more than my ALL it still was not good enough. I was so wrapped up in “the story.” Extremely reclusive I became a stranger to myself. In order to please others, I started second guessing myself. Truth to me was “I am a bother” this lie became my reality. I could only afford to trust myself until I could no longer hear my heartbeat.


I can’t even put into words how amazing freedom from this constant pressure feels.  Now I’m coming to realize, “even my voice matters.”

Going through some of my personal hell, I have learned so much. The knowledge, appreciation, and gratitude for the things I have taken for granted had I now take for granted. In feeling the loss of so much it has helped me through some rough roads in life. because I chose to take a lesson out of every experience, a blessing for the future in one way or another.

You are beautiful, you are stronger than you know. Your experiences impact your destiny on every level. Negative or positive you inspire so many lives.

Today’s Choices

The choices we make each day impact our future, UBER.

3 A.M. – I wake up to I little body slither quietly into my bed trying to be so quiet. Lying on my side, she settles in with her back to me. Her little head snuggled in using my arm as her pillow. Soon it was clear she was sleep – Mom- Not so much….

My mind took a trip to my childhood when I also quietly slipped into the crook of my Daddy’s arms, feeling very proud of myself that I was the one who won all my siblings to the very treasured spot. The ultimate sought after spot in our household.

Growing up, to most people my normal was “taboo” to the general population. Polygamy- This strange lifestyle choice, many can only try to imagine.

To me, this was the only life I knew. My Dad was one of very few converts in a very tight-knit group known as the FLDS. Soon after he joined, my Father was assigned to and through this “Prophet” appointed union, my father began to live what he felt was the right way.

Dad was many years older than my mother, his plural wife. My father was always there for his family. Some of my greatest memories were so simple. Quietly kneeling at his bedside he taught me how to pray and listen to my heart. This alone saved, not only my life but my children’s and their children’s children.

My father made a choice, believing it was right. Dad was not perfect, but he was perfect for me, making me the person I am today. The only sister of eleven boys, we lived a good childhood, as soon as we all acknowledge I am the boss.

My Father met three of my children before he passed, but every day I feel his presence. Now and then I feel him wipe away a tear. Sometimes I can almost feel his large hand pat my weary head “Everything will be okay, I have faith in you.” Or hear him bellow out, “putter their sis” pointing to his pokie cheek. Every day I miss my Dad I know he often wishes he could take away some of the burdens. Other times I think he forgets how much I need him.

Elmo John Carlisle is my father, that alone should give me the strength to “move mountains!” Some days it’s all I can barely make it over “the groundhog’s” mound of dirt. We keep on going because that’s just what we do. This Life is not a life for quitters!

Cutting through all the devastating loss and heartbreak- I have become a very strong, independent woman and mother of seven amazing children who bring so much to this world and make my life complete.

My choices today give my children a future.

Birth Certificates

For many years I have sought to obtain the legal documents for my two children born on the FLDS compound in Pringle South Dakota. My Nine-year-old daughter was born shortly after the Texas Raid on the FLDS compound known as the YFZ Ranch. Because of the raid, there were many mothers who, for the first time realized how important a birth certificate actually was. Some may think- “a no-brainer.”

I have often asked myself the same question. My answer, I was so focused on pleasing the church leaders to prevent them from taking my children there was little time to question how that could affect their future and mine as a mother.

The FLDS Texas Raid, we pleaded religious persecution and believed it was the devil’s way of trying to destroy “the work of God.”

Few knew what had been going on for a very long time behind the public eye and community. Warren starts separating his own children from their mothers. Warren took my children away from me as well, the intensely long separation and longing inspired these words-

Sending My Love

When in the morn as I open my eyes

Or seeking at bedtime His Comfort Supplies

Of you I am thinking, remember my love

And know God is blessing us all from above

Can you feel my arms around you? I’m holding you near

Sence lips on your cheek, it all seems so clear.

I long for your smile, to see you grow tall

Share your achievements, lift up when you fall

Do washing and mending, comb long shiny hair

And teach you the truths of sweet heavenly prayer

So when sun is shining or moonbeam its glow

When fierce storms are gathering, wind starts to blow

Just know Heavenly Father’s collecting my love

And sending express mail to you from above

How I yearn to be with you each hour every day

And join in the work humbly teaching God’s way

You’re helping in Zion, blessing in love

Happy and cheerful responding on the run

Stay close to Father, obedient be

Then we’ll be together through eternity

So when sun is shining or moonbeam its glow

When fierce storms are gathering wind starts to blow

We’ll trust in our Father in Heaven above

Reaching together for His perfect love

I’m sending my love to you from above

I wrote those words in 2005 after fifteen months of separation from my children. The same words were used in a song to try to win the sympathy of the world against the said injustice. When an even greater injustice inspired them.

It was a betrayal if we allowed the secrets of R23/South Dakota Compound/Zion punishable worse than death. Men lost their families and priesthood because they didn’t have faith enough to keep the Government officials from entering the Texas Compound and more importantly the Temple.

We were not allowed to obtain the birth certificates for resons I did not know. When given the oprotunity the mothers who had given birth to babies on the land did what we could to get a birth certificate using other addresses in order to obtain birth certificates and not going against the leaders council to not get one in South Dakota. I too started the process but because of cercomstances out of my control I was not able to obtain a delayed Birth Certificate.




Breaking News

–Life as Sarah Allred
Breaking News

September 14, 2017

Petition and Motion to Establish Delayed Birth Certificate in South Dakota

The day Allred’s have been waiting for

Today Allred’s are getting their day in court. State of South Dakota has agreed to a court hearing via phone. A South Dakota lawyer has offered to represent Sarah as she makes this final attempt. (Short of raiding the compound herself to find the physical proof of the birth of her two young daughters.) 

State of South Dakota has agreed to a court hearing via phone. A South Dakota lawyer has offered to represent Sarah In the State of South Dakota. (Short of raiding the compound herself to find the physical proof of the birth of her two young daughters.)

Sarah voiced “I have personally witnessed Jeffs ordering all proof of records to be destroyed,  in giving an explanation- A protection from the outside that could threaten the Lord’s work.”  

Allred is hoping that named children as US citizens and Sarah is, in fact, the mother of her nine and six-year-old daughters.

Allred has sought diligently for years trying to get South Dakota to acknowledge that Sarah is the mother of her daughter’s who was born in the Black Hills of South Dakota on the FLDS compound Pringle South Dakota.



County Fair – part six

I felt betrayed. No one had ever told me I was raising my pig to sell! Just to show! I couldn’t be consoled, even when they came to get Lottie. When the strangers came and took her away, I couldn’t be consoled’ even when she seemed to tell me she was ok.

“At least we won the ribbon.” I’m sure that’s what she would have said if she could talk. It did little to console me.

The swine bidding was much different. They sent each pig through the shoot. As Lottie’s turn arrived I heard my name over the loudspeaker. I couldn’t watch, but I had to. The gates opened and Lottie strutted through it. She was about to get turned into bacon! I just knew it! If only I had a magic spider come and rescue my pig from being slaughtered.

Lottie, my sweet little pig was about to get turned into bacon! If only I had a magic spider to come and rescue my pig from being slaughtered.

The man who talked fast and funny started the bidding.

“Whowillgiveonesevendyfive, whowillgotwosevendy five.”

It kept going up and up as strangers raised their hands and the funny man pointed at the one raising hands adding a little more each time. I watched scared little Lottie as she searched for its master. A little tear threatened to spill over but I wouldn’t, I couldn’t because I hated it when people see me cry.

Lottie not only won third place in showmanship, but she went for the highest bid of all swine that year in the 4-H club in 1989.  I didn’t change my anger status but I was pretty proud of her and myself.

The next year I decided to attend 4-H but I tried not to get so attached knowing I had to sell my pig.

County Fair – part five

Lottie did so well and I didn’t do too bad either! But from the sound of the crowd, I think I had the best audience. My brother and I were 2 of the 6 pigs left. One of the pigs reached out to nip Roys in the butt and she instantly got sent out. That girl was very angry and was the first show person I saw blow her top. Her dad came to gather her up as a Hispanic man who obviously was a hired hand, stepped up and took the pig. The father walked off with his angry daughter, but the judges didn’t even flinch. They were having a hard time eliminating the last few pigs.

We really had to step up our game.

“There never was a year the Christenson and the Shepherd didn’t take home the ribbon,” I heard my father say. “But at least I know my kids are doing the raising of the pig and to me, my kids win them hands down. They bought the judge anyway.”

I wanted to make my father proud.

I didn’t know how you buy a judge.

“I bet a judge is expensive,” I thought as I saw the judge slap Roy’s pig in the butt and hand him the 5th prize ribbon.

I felt the sweat drip down my back and another pigs butt was slapped and handed a ribbon. Only three left. It was down to me, the Shepherd girl, and the Christensons’ boy. It went for quite a while and finally my sweet little Lottie had done so well. I was so excited! I got the third place in the county fair in showmanship!

My brother Joe bent down and playfully slugged me in the shoulder

“Don’t get such a big head sis, but you were a beauty out there!”

All my family was so happy for me and praising me right and left. I turned to Joe.

“Sorry, bro. I can’t help but get a big head”

I was grinning from ear to ear.

“I’ll bet your pig gets the first prize when we sell her,” Dad commented proudly.

“What?”  I couldn’t believe my ears! Sell Lottie!

“Daddy, we don’t have to sell Lottie do we?”

I was struck with horror! Everyone stopped talking over each other excitedly.

“Sis, what did you think we were going to do?” Roy responded.

“No Dad! I can’t sell Lottie. I raised her. It’s like you selling one of us!”

Almost everyone started laughing. It wasn’t one bit funny. I was crushed!

Sitting down on the straw bail, Dad took me up on his knee.

“Sis, we have to…..”

I have no idea what he said next, nor did I care! My mouth turned down and my bottom lip popped out. I don’t care that everyone was going to see it! I also didn’t care that Joe stuck his taunting face right up, nearly touching his nose to mine.

“An airplane is going to land on that big lip,” he said.

My stubborn demon came to full attention, colliding with Mrs. Anger, and had a great big party. I’m going to be mad! I didn’t say a word! I’ll punish them by my silence, not taking into consideration they might enjoy it because I was seldom quiet.

County Fair – part four

I posed for my Father with my best happy smile, grinning from ear to ear, as I did a little twirl for Dad – and anyone else that wanted to see the prettiest cowgirl ever.

Pigs are judged not only for beefy and beautiful hams but for their manners, obedience, cleanliness, and showmanship too.

“They want to see your pig respects its master,” Dad had instructed.

To get a prize I had to teach her how to obey me and lead her by a cane.  The higher up, the more strict the judges are. We had to teach our pigs to stand still when a judge is looking, walk when a judge wants it to, and have manners. If the pigs fight they can be disqualified. If they decide to roll in the dirt, there is no chance.

We were given a number which was a ticket for a stall. They are separated into 5 groups. Slowly they began to eliminate pig after pig until finally, it came down to the final few pigs. Lottie was one of them!

We were very excited. I took her back to the stall where my family praised me and patted my back.

“Proud of you Sis.”

Oh yes,  I gloated, though the truth was I really felt a little nervous. Waiting for the final round, my family helped me wash my beautiful big pink Lottie.

“I’m so proud of you,” I said in her ear. I used Dawn dish soap on her back and picked up my brush. I didn’t realize it would be the last time.  I scrubbed her short, course pink hair and gave her a little pep talk.

“Lottie, you have been such a good girl, but I need you to put on your best behavior. We really need to win this. We both have worked hard for this.”

Jared asked if he could spray her off. After all, he needed to learn because next year he will be old enough. He could use the practice. I stood back while my brother sprayed her off. I used the baby oil to rub Lottie down- back, neck legs and hams.

“Lottie were going to do so great!”

The loudspeakers called for the last round. Picking up my cane, I guided her and she proudly marched her way out to the ring. I felt nervous. What if she gets wild and decides to bite?

“STOP!” I commanded my fear demon. “Don’t let yourself go buggy!“ I took a deep breath before the stomach ache I got whenever I was put on the spot got worse.

I patted Lottie lovingly on the back as we walked out in the ring. This time it was so much tenser. Not only did I have to be in perfect unity with Lottie, but have all eyes on the judge on me. I kept moving. This was time for the showmanship.

County Fair – part three

For the fair, I got a brand new pink cowgirl shirt. It had a 3-inch fringe that pointed to a V just above the two snap down pockets on either side. The buttons were pearl white with a ring of silver that went all the way down the front and a double wide cuff with two of the same beautiful snaps at my wrist. When I walked, the fringe in the front and back would stylishly bounce up and down, brand new boots with diamonds and pointed toes. If that wasn’t cool enough, I thought excitedly, for the first time in my entire life I got to wear pants like the boys! I didn’t look any different than everyone else. I never felt so amazing in my life.

I suddenly remembered I had left my hat in the cab of the truck! Or had I left it home? I began to panic. This couldn’t be complete without that beautiful pink cowgirl hat with a band around and a feather sticking out the side of the band. I didn’t mean to turn off my ears I just couldn’t waste any time.

“Oh God please let my hat be in the truck!”

Jumping up on the side railing of my Dad’s new King cab truck,  I was in such a panic I nearly fell since. I swung the door of the truck as it flew open. I forgot I was told not to swing on the door, but right now my one thought was my hat.

My heart sunk down to my tummy as I felt myself about to cry. There was no pink hat in the back seat. It wasn’t in the front either. I sat back,  sulking in my disappointment.

Just then our station wagon pulled up to the side of the truck and my Little brother, grinning from ear to ear, was waving my beautiful pink hat. Thinking everything was perfect as I smugly placed my hat on the top of my head like a princess puts on her tiara.

“There! I look like a rodeo Princess,” I voiced out loud.

Following my brother, as he led me to where the pigs were getting settled. I was so happy, today was my day!

County Fair – part two

Working day and night, most of my extra time was spent with Lottie. Time seemed to fly. Before I knew it we were loading Lottie up to proudly show her off.

When we got to the fairgrounds the parking lot was very crowded. Dad found a parking spot I jumped out butterflies dancing excitedly in my stomach. There were metal buildings all around. Dad led us to to the open shed where we needed to be.  

I’m glad I didn’t have to drive here by myself, I’d be lost.  I envisioned my small frame trying to sit on the seat and touch the pedals and trying to see over the dashboard. Joe was not too much older than me and he had been driving on the farm all the time, why couldn’t I drive. It sucks being a girl.


My mind got so wrapped up in my day-dreams I bumped into another kid twice my size. What the heck was he doing not watching where he was going?

Oh boy, it stinks in here! Wait a minute where are we going? I didn’t realize I couldn’t see dad or anyone else. Just then Roy came up behind me and tugged my long brown braid.

“Where the heck are you going! We’re over here!”

I was daydreaming and wandered clear to the opposite side of the building!  I should have noticed I was in the lamb section of the place. Rushing, I tried to catch up to my brother but he made it back before me. At least I could see where our spot was.

“I think I’m going to pay better attention from now on!”

A little embarrassed, I looked around to see if anyone else had noticed.

My mom made all my dresses, that is all I wore. Even though it was wrong I wanted to dress like other people.  I wanted people to see Lottie, not me for looking different. I had to fight down the wicked thought. Dad taught us to be proud of who we are and if we are not proud of it, why are we doing what we are doing?