Apostate as per FLDS

0f4e165d2ac844bb704f630b4f0089b1Apostate – someone who turns against their God –

NO ONE CAN TAKE MY GOD AWAY FROM ME!

Being branded as an apostate in the FLDS is the worst stamp anyone could be given.

Wicked! Wicked! Wicked! If I didn’t explain it enough,Wicked!

I know for me it was devastating to even think of it, and therefore my loyalty to my God was most important. I never wanted my children to live with the shame of having an apostate mother.

I allowed myself to face the facts, not what I was told, but what I felt in my soul through the personal witness I was given.

The inward battle I fought was real.

In my heart and soul I knew there was a God in heaven. I personally felt Him take me by the hand as I pleaded with Him to guide me through the raging storm I was being forced into.

 

Tender Moments

This picture is so much more than what’s visible with the naked eye, its a replica of

  “Mother and Daughter Triumph” 

IMG_20160313_184405It’s hard to imagine that only six short months ago, this sweet little princess was still troubled and angry.

I was separated from her when she was almost three. She was a happy, sparkly little girl, who loved life and touched the hearts of all she came in contact with.

Two years, five months, three days later….

I was reunited with a terror-stricken, angry stranger who shrank in fear at the thought of her own mother touching her. It would be nearly eight months later when I would get my first stiff hug from my precious baby.

Fifteen months later, after much patience, heart wrenching experiences, and an excessive amount of sequestered tears, I was able to have a heart to heart talk with my now six year old daughter.

“Mommy I have something in my mind I can’t get out. I love you, Mommy. What they told me is not right, but it comes to my mind all the time,” she said as she climbed up beside me in bed for the first time in nearly three years.

“What is it princess?”

“They told me you tried to kill me when I was in your tummy.”

An enormous emotion shot like a whirlwind through my entire being!

“It’s OK mommy,” she continued. “I know you didn’t because you love us, and I know a mother would never do that.”

A deep sigh escaped her little soul as she finally was able to let it out…..

“I feel so much better now. It feels like my heart is free.”

Once again I struggled to beat down this ugly dragon that tried to overpower my soul. ANGER! HATE! RESENTMENT! I think I could almost kill someone!! I knew these feelings all too well since the day of August 26, 2014. I learned first hand what was being enforced by the ghoulish FLDS leaders, and the damage done to innocent children.

 

Repentance/Corrections ?

Many have asked what it means to be sent on “a repentance” or “a correction”. There are multiple answers to this question.

Repentance was different for men and women. Men were sent on a repentance and their families never knew if they would see them again. In 2004, it progressed to women being corrected as well. Repentance for a woman was so underground not even the immediate family members would know their whereabouts. It was not outwardly known by other members that women were getting corrected for years, and some may not know still.

 Repentance is where one is removed from the comfort of their loved ones and placed separate from others, being told to get closer to God and repent of you ways. The purpose was to break a person into submission, shredding their self-worth. 

Repentance often happened to those who were strong minded and self-willed. Also to those who might question or think too much.

Because of the position my husband held, I was aware of things happening that others didn’t know about. I myself know the process, having been through it myself.

I saw this happen to a select number of Mothers beginning in 2005. I saw many of those same mothers, years later in 2012 when FLDS leaders cast them out of the cult and condemned to hell.

Welcome to my World!

Hello, I am excited to share my adventures…

We all have a story, each one is important. I have had constant requests to share mine.

I’m opening up my world to all those who want to ride this roller coaster and get a glimpse into my Life as Sarah!

I have not chosen my path but I choose how I take my journey

My life has been amazing, full of love, romance, sacrifice, fear, jealousy, excitement, pain, sorrow, anger, brokenness, redemption, acceptance, peace, and finally triumph!!