Listen to Your Heart

     Looking through my pictures and a few letters I still have, my mind ponders. I think of the love we shared. The deepest, heartfelt connection. The kindest, loving, most genuine man I’ve ever known. “To know him is to love him.” I knew Rich better than anyone else in the whole world. My heart talked to his. I think about what we went through together, among other things the greatest being six magnificently beautiful miracles. As loving a Dad as any child could have.

   Rich was so courageous, I thought “nothing or no one can break him.”

Slowly, I watched the life squeeze out of him.

 How can love be so strong yet not strong enough? How can you love with your whole heart and suddenly walk away?  How can anyone have that much power? How was anything stronger than the covenants and promises.

    “It” happened so subtly. Piece by tiny piece, using 99 truths to one lie. Taking one truth and manipulating it. “You are the Fool and the Devil laughs.” Caught up in the power of the “one man”.

Having given away your own power, you have none left. Having given him your heart, you no longer feel.

Child- “Mom, I can’t pray.”

Mother- “Why my child”

Child- “Whenever I close my eyes to pray, all I see in my mind is Warren Jeffs.”

This is true! This is real! I have been in “those shoes” when the only thing I had left was listening to my heart, oh what a beautiful freedom that is!

I pray our loved ones can have the strength to be delivered from what they don’t know holds them bound.



About Sarah

The Compelling story of a young woman's courage, being born, raised and married in the sheltered dictatorship of FLDS Cult under the leadership and rule of Warren Jeffs. At eighteen I entered into an arranged marriage and happily fell in love with the love of my life. Richard S Allred was grandson and personal bodyguard to leader Rulon Jeffs and later Warren Jeffs. I lived my full married life in close surveillance of “the Prophets” family. I being the first of five wives, learned how to open my heart, arms, and home. A mother of six and wife of fourteen years, I lived for my family and lived wholeheartedly my religion. As the Leadership adjusted our world would be turned upside down and shaken. My Husband was a founder of the different secrets that were transpiring that people would only hear about years later. My children continually were kept from me and finally ripped away and I was "sent away" forever Being cast out, thrown into a world I was taught to abhor and fear my entire life. Entirely stripped of everything, home, family, friends, seemingly my very existence. Through adversity, I found strength within. I found my voice taking power, and learning my true potential. Fighting for my kids, going against everything I once knew and loved. Now thirty-six and a single mom of seven beautiful children I fight to give them a new life becoming strong and independent in this modern world.
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One Response to Listen to Your Heart

  1. Allene says:

    Beautifully written!
    You look like one of your nieces in that picture.

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