Life As Sarah

Rachel Jeffs – Breaking Free

Hello, my friends! It’s been a bit….

The question “What do you think about Rachel Jeffs book and interviews.

“What do I think,” I ask myself.

Honestly, it’s not so easy. It triggers me, reminding me of pain but, also happy times.

When I see interviews with Rachel Jeffs I see someone who has created something beautiful out of a lot of ugliness.

Without any emotion or without watching. I will give you my honest thoughts.

I have come through and processed in my way, as I want to give everyone that same respect and understanding.

Rachel’s story is nothing about me. It is everything about her. Healing is an individual process, none greater or lesser, just different.

It is absolutely unimaginable to wrap my mind around my former Husband’s third wife’s terrible injustices.

What I can say is, I am happy to see Rachel move on, find peace, happiness and a good life for her children. Everyone deserves happiness. I’m grateful to see people search and find that.


Power of Voice

Power of Voice

Living in a small world of mostly adults and men, for the first 16 years of my life, sassy, stubborn, determined and fearlessly I, fought. I was finally feeling heard. This only lasted a few 4-5 short years despite the fight. Motherhood became a source to control me. When I came to realize I was in so deep it was silence, or lose everything. Realizing I couldn’t have both was hard to accept and one of the darkest times of my early motherhood and young marriage. I chose motherhood. My children have been my driving force, as well as, my greatest fear and cause of my deepest pain.

Over 10 years it only got worse, I was continually made to feel I was not good enough and even when I felt I had given more than my ALL it still was not good enough. I was so wrapped up in “the story.” Extremely reclusive I became a stranger to myself. In order to please others, I started second guessing myself. Truth to me was “I am a bother” this lie became my reality. I could only afford to trust myself until I could no longer hear my heartbeat.


I can’t even put into words how amazing freedom from this constant pressure feels.  Now I’m coming to realize, “even my voice matters.”

Going through some of my personal hell, I have learned so much. The knowledge, appreciation, and gratitude for the things I have taken for granted had I now take for granted. In feeling the loss of so much it has helped me through some rough roads in life. because I chose to take a lesson out of every experience, a blessing for the future in one way or another.

You are beautiful, you are stronger than you know. Your experiences impact your destiny on every level. Negative or positive you inspire so many lives.

Life as Sarah


The choices we make each day impact our future, UBER.

3 A.M. – I wake up to I little body slither quietly into my bed trying to be so quiet. Lying on my side, she settles in with her back to me. Her little head snuggled in using my arm as her pillow. Soon it was clear she was sleep – Mom- Not so much….

My mind took a trip to my childhood when I also quietly slipped into the crook of my Daddy’s arms, feeling very proud of myself that I was the one who won all my siblings to the very treasured spot. The ultimate sought after spot in our household.

Growing up, to most people my normal was “taboo” to the general population. Polygamy- This strange lifestyle choice, many can only try to imagine.

To me, this was the only life I knew. My Dad was one of very few converts in a very tight-knit group known as the FLDS. Soon after he joined, my Father was assigned to and through this “Prophet” appointed union, my father began to live what he felt was the right way.

Dad was many years older than my mother, his plural wife. My father was always there for his family. Some of my greatest memories were so simple. Quietly kneeling at his bedside he taught me how to pray and listen to my heart. This alone saved, not only my life but my children’s and their children’s children.

My father made a choice, believing it was right. Dad was not perfect, but he was perfect for me, making me the person I am today. The only sister of eleven boys, we lived a good childhood, as soon as we all acknowledge I am the boss.

My Father met three of my children before he passed, but every day I feel his presence. Now and then I feel him wipe away a tear. Sometimes I can almost feel his large hand pat my weary head “Everything will be okay, I have faith in you.” Or hear him bellow out, “putter their sis” pointing to his pokie cheek. Every day I miss my Dad I know he often wishes he could take away some of the burdens. Other times I think he forgets how much I need him.

Elmo John Carlisle is my father, that alone should give me the strength to “move mountains!” Some days it’s all I can barely make it over “the groundhog’s” mound of dirt. We keep on going because that’s just what we do. This Life is not a life for quitters!

Cutting through all the devastating loss and heartbreak- I have become a very strong, independent woman and mother of seven amazing children who bring so much to this world and make my life complete.

My choices today give my children a future.

Sending My Love

For many years I have sought to obtain the legal documents for my two children born on the FLDS compound in Pringle South Dakota. My Nine-year-old daughter was born shortly after the Texas Raid on the FLDS compound known as the YFZ Ranch. Because of the raid, there were many mothers who, for the first time realized how important a birth certificate actually was. Some may think- “a no-brainer.”

I have often asked myself the same question. My answer, I was so focused on pleasing the church leaders to prevent them from taking my children there was little time to question how that could affect their future and mine as a mother.

The FLDS Texas Raid, we pleaded religious persecution and believed it was the devil’s way of trying to destroy “the work of God.”

Few knew what had been going on for a very long time behind the public eye and community. Warren starts separating his own children from their mothers. Warren took my children away from me as well, the intensely long separation and longing inspired these words-

Sending My Love

When in the morn as I open my eyes

Or seeking at bedtime His Comfort Supplies

Of you I am thinking, remember my love

And know God is blessing us all from above

Can you feel my arms around you? I’m holding you near

Sence lips on your cheek, it all seems so clear.

I long for your smile, to see you grow tall

Share your achievements, lift up when you fall

Do washing and mending, comb long shiny hair

And teach you the truths of sweet heavenly prayer

So when sun is shining or moonbeam its glow

When fierce storms are gathering, wind starts to blow

Just know Heavenly Father’s collecting my love

And sending express mail to you from above

How I yearn to be with you each hour every day

And join in the work humbly teaching God’s way

You’re helping in Zion, blessing in love

Happy and cheerful responding on the run

Stay close to Father, obedient be

Then we’ll be together through eternity

So when sun is shining or moonbeam its glow

When fierce storms are gathering wind starts to blow

We’ll trust in our Father in Heaven above

Reaching together for His perfect love

I’m sending my love to you from above

I wrote those words in 2005 after fifteen months of separation from my children. The same words were used in a song to try to win the sympathy of the world against the said injustice. When an even greater injustice inspired them.

It was a betrayal if we allowed the secrets of R23/South Dakota Compound/Zion punishable worse than death. Men lost their families and priesthood because they didn’t have faith enough to keep the Government officials from entering the Texas Compound and more importantly the Temple.

We were not allowed to obtain the birth certificates for resons I did not know. When given the oprotunity the mothers who had given birth to babies on the land did what we could to get a birth certificate using other addresses in order to obtain birth certificates and not going against the leaders council to not get one in South Dakota. I too started the process but because of cercomstances out of my control I was not able to obtain a delayed Birth Certificate.

Petition and Motion

Breaking News

September 14, 2017

Petition and Motion to Establish

Delayed Birth Certificate in South Dakota

The day Allred’s have been waiting for

Today Allred’s are getting their day in court. State of South Dakota has agreed to a court hearing via phone. A South Dakota lawyer has offered to represent Sarah as she makes this final attempt. (Short of raiding the compound herself to find the physical proof of the birth of her two young daughters.)

State of South Dakota has agreed to a court hearing via phone. A South Dakota lawyer has offered to represent Sarah In the State of South Dakota. (Short of raiding the compound herself to find the physical proof of the birth of her two young daughters.)

Sarah voiced “I have personally witnessed Jeffs ordering all proof of records to be destroyed,  in giving an explanation- A protection from the outside that could threaten the Lord’s work.”

Allred is hoping that named children as US citizens and Sarah is, in fact, the mother of her nine and six-year-old daughters.

Allred has sought diligently for years trying to get South Dakota to acknowledge that Sarah is the mother of her daughter’s who was born in the Black Hills of South Dakota on the FLDS compound Pringle South Dakota.

%d bloggers like this: